let's ponder, shall we?

I like to call this segment "Weekly Irritations." The following situations have disturbed my life at one point or another this week.

(1) nausea.
(2) rusty screws.
(3) sausage egg mcmuffin with [plastic] egg.
(4) tetanus.
(5) dellusionalists! (if this is not a word it is now)
(6) the predictable.
(7) Jessica's driving [see below].
(8) calories and inactivity due to injuries .
(9) dark clubs and invisible stairs.
(10) unruly brows.
(11) doctor visits.
(12) Lifetime movie about the TX cheerleaders. God tells us not to hate but he makes an exception when it comes to the Fab 4.
(13) The Strength Curve - why so complex?
(14) Marlboro Menthal Lights - get out of my social drinking life already.
(15) Pearl necklaces (head outta gutter pervs - the accessory).
(16) Nickelback (this is an every day pain in my life).
(17) crabapples and constant complainers!
(18) my bare ass for the world to see - thanks Nik.
(19) The Mosquito! Dude, your lease is up. Pack your bags and get the heck out of town.
(20) Air Guitar! Everyone has a signature drunk oddity (Jess pulls out kissey face Stacie loses use of her left eye). Put a couple drinks in me and I am Eddie Van Halen.
(21) Claustrophobia. Must the little girl always be put in teeny places. In Dallas on Saturday I was placed on the steering wheel when there was no room left in the car.

To counteract the negativity allow me to share a few things that delivered happiness in recent days:

(1) Jessica's unforgettable meltdown while driving (memorable words "Fabulous" and "Bitches").
(2) fantastic pictures from Dallas! Nik and I surprisingly took some good ones!
(3) a Stacie Phillips tangent.
(4) anticipating a 3 day weekend.
(5) watching videos of my puppethead from his youth (precious).
(6) pain meds (I advocate for drugs only when one is suffering).
(7) 3 charming words "I HAVE TURRETS!"
(8) Hilary's pumpkin orange suit at the DC.
(9) plotting demise - ssshhhhhh!
(10) mr seinfeld waiting until it is dark/quiet to piss on the bedroom rug sounding similar to a pitcher being filled with water.
(11) LCD Soundsystem's All My Friends (my most played jingle on RH this week).
(12) Donita's potato salad! Darnitt that stuff is good!
(13) Barber splitting his pinstripes front to back while droppin' it like its on fire!
(14) brow wax - it's soothing!
(15) When I asked him whether he wanted to "dine in" while waiting for food at a particular taco bell Jake declared "this place kind of makes me sick."
(16) Ellie and I giggling about #15 before falling asleep on the air mattress in Donita's living room. I like to believe the best part of the reenactment is my "Jake" voice - it's kinda hoarse and mean.
(17) black olives and ranch dip! It's THAT good.















Ellie and I accidentally let our tongues touch during the making of this photo at the Grapevine in Dallas last weekend. As weird as the moment was we got over it, ironically later finding ourselves wandering aimlessly around a dark smoke filled club, designed for males who like males, consisting of 2 floors exuding with pounding beats of the techno genre and involving more rubbing than a petting zoo. Everytime I attempted to dance I'd wind up with some smiley mexican man trying to hump my back. Off the dance floor Ellie and I lose the group. Due to confusion, shock and the washington apple shots we all sucked down earlier kudos to Jessica, I didn't notice a step as I attempted to walk into another room diligently looking for my group. My body met the marble floor quick and I have a black and blue leg to prove it. To add insult to injury Ellie and I squeezed in one last uncomfortable moment between the two of us when Ellie tripped over my body, now glued to the ground, and fell on top of me during this "it could happen to anyone with legs" accident. For the remainder of the evening we were famous around the club for being "the 2 girls that fell". I'll take it!

Giant birthday wishes to one of my favorite golfer boys Matthew Naylor. Welcome to 27 Mister!

~ J*O*S*I*E