where the boys are

"He tells us that the way to live in this world is to have the childlike heart and mind. In other words, never get old or dull or jaded in spirit. Don't become super-sophisticated."

Matthew and I made a trip to our local Barnes & Noble last night. Who knew the place is quite the communal hot spot at 9 pm on a Wednesday eve. The place was swarming with rowdy pre-teens sucking down mocha latte's, various walks of life thumbing through books, teenage misfits spending their summer nights playing chess, lonely people hoping to make a connection with another lost soul. It was a people watcher's paradise. Maybe it was the atomoshpere but the scene alone inspired me to write a book about book worms and those that want to be them. I relocate to the Biography section having a strong interest in personal memoirs. Some might say it's due to my need to meddle - but it is not - I am interested. My bookstore companion, Matt, is soon lost in the scurry of noise and nerds. I didn't pick up what naturally caught my eye because I felt bashful. "Loose Girl" is a memoir of promiscuity. Dismissing my curiousity, in the next aisle over my eyes are instantly drawn to Jenna Jameson's "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" and for a second I question my state of mind. I scuffle around the store limiting myself only to the Biography section when I notice a copy of "Loose Girl" that is out of place. I think what the heck! Someone else was obviously interested in the tell-all. I'll just read the Prelude.

During the 25 minutes that follow I flip, with great intrigue, page after page of sextails oblivious to the patrons behind me except when I hear Matt walking nearby. He doesn't know it but he sends off signals to alude me to the fact that he is in close proximity. Only when he walks by do I become cautious of the book in hand. By the way, this was not possible with the Jameson read due to the tremendous amount of graphics displayed on each page - they would catch the eye of a blind man. Once again I become absorbed in the words of the low inhibited, sex addict. Fascinating stuff! My first interruption, and close call, occurrs when a group of obnoxious teenage girls stop by to comment on my shirt, to giggle, and to get details on where one could purchase such a shirt. Frazzled with dismay not wanting the virgin eyes to catch light of what I was reading, tuck the book to my side, finger in place, and graciously thank the girls with a smile that said scram. As the group awkwardly ran off I heard one of the girls say to her friend "my mom has a shirt just like it". Ha! Bitches.

About the time I get into the good stuff, and by good I mean dirty, a gentleman who was extremely uncomfortable in his own skin, John, politely interrupts me with a tap to my shoulder and introduces himself. To be honest I felt a little disoriented in a what's going on sort of way, you know the way you feel when you wake up from a 45 minute Saturday afternoon nap. John asks me if I have a name and I say with confusion "John" when he smirks "no that's my name." How charming - you're getting on my nerves John. I wanna know if Kerry is going to let the dirty scumbag take it to homebase. My mind asks does this man have pertinent information for me, does he need assistance, has he mistaken me for someone else? John used the 'ole "I noticed a man circling your area and I became concerned with the way he was watching you" line before asking "you from around here"? I can't believe this! John, probably straight out of Wednesday night bible study, is making a pass at me while I am doing a bad job at trying to disguise my book about women who love sex. Completely disconnected from the situation I manage a "yes I am from town, this town" wishing one of those flying monkeys from Oz would sweep up John and fly him over to the World History section.


Where is Matt by the way when I need him? Naturally I knew what was coming as John was running out of material. "What are you reading there" studying my hand trying to get a peep at the cover. I fail to step up to the moment and my mind drifts to blank. Frustration mixed with embarassment caused me to blurt out the first thing that came to mind "oh just reading books, with my boyfriend, who is somewhere in this store". John thinks I am lying. John takes the hint. Off he wanders but not far - he keeps a close eye on me. Alone again and 50 pages into Loose Girl Kerry finally loses her virginity and I decide I am no longer interested in what she has to say. I feel like such a guy!

In the Religion section, on a journey for spiritual healing, John just happens to run into me again and seeks confirmation that I am still with someone. Now I just feel sad for the guy. In retrospect I should have offered him a copy of Loose Girl.

Throughout the course of my Barnes experience I was hit on by three boys - two of which were together and probably no older than 20. Word to the single ladies (or lonely hearts). This is where it's at . I hope to never find myself sitting in Barnes searching for "the One" but I don't frown upon those that do. Next time you get a late night craving for a Grande Mocha Latte, spice up the night with a trip to your local bookstore. To go a step further, keep in mind Loose Girl. It's a real page turner.

~ Josie
____________________________________________________

Sometimes everyone needs to step out of their comfort zone to get a clear sense of importance. You really won't miss the things you think you will, and in the end you may just miss the very thing you were afraid of to begin with. ~ jm