lost in transition

fishsticks, fiddlesticks, pick up sticks, stack of bricks

I am blown away when I stop and think about how quickly we arrive at the first of a new month. I don't even remember April - did we skip it? It's a scary yet invigorating feeling. I have really learned to not take anything for granted.

I'm a little heartbroken today which you won't catch me bloggin' about much - if ever - really an emotion I prefer to keep to myself. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook which is a sentiment that's getting easier every day. I have been absent minded for over a week. It's not a healthy way to go about my days. I am growing a friend for my ulcer. It's not often that I throw myself into a tizzy but when I do my body takes a beating from the stress. Eating has been frowned upon which after my weekend of glutony this is a positive result. I feel similar to how you feel when you suck down that last gin and tonic and regret it immediately - dizzy and aloof while vomit rests impatiently in the back of your throat teasing you with possibility. Desperate for this feeling to fade.

Maybe I should become a blonde. Maybe I should reunite with an old friend. Maybe I need a new hobby. Maybe Zuber and I should rekindle our love affair. I miss that guy. Speaking of missing a guy, Randale graced me with his presence last night for a short but sweet catchup session and it served as a much needed escape from my pouty demeanor. I could lie and say the lighthearted conversation made me happy but honestly it was the glass of wine.

These lovely lyrics come from a song that has grown on me like a bad habit and it comes highly recommended.

Wilco's "Either Way"

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will blow away
Maybe I won’t feel so afraid
I will try to understand
Either way

A picture of Jerry Seinfeld and I:













It's a little hard to tell from the picture but I gained a decent 2-5 pounds this past weekend. My parents instilled a healthy relationship towards food growing up only to fatten me as an adult. I ate so much Sunday night it caused heart palpitations.

Because of my funk I may treat myself to something special tonight. A pedicure I don't have to perform would be rewarding. If I had an appetite I'd go for a big, juicy steak. I will admit my loss of appetite didn't interfere with the 5-8 peices of bacon I ate early this morning (they were skinny). Some things can never be stopped.

In closing, I am optimistic about October. ~ jojo

My sister Kelly is in town for the weekend and I can't wait to spend a couple of days with her and baby Ethan. Who's Ethan? Well, just the prettiest baby boy I have ever set eyes on. Don't believe me? Take a gander:

From Memorial Day Weekend 08

The other boy in the picture is my nephew Brennan who incidentally looks like a dinosaur here.

GO HOGS!!!

From Nikki's Visit Sept '08

Warning readers: this blog is going to be as entertaining as your first time at third base. Don't fool yourself into thinking it was fun.

I have Fine Young Cannibals finest "I've Been Thinking About You" stuck in my head. Target must've had it playing at a level so low while shopping this afternoon the tune sucked on to my subconscious like a desperate vulcher. Why god, why?

That's not the only thing I walked away with from the discount store visit. I took a chance on what looked like a mouth watering Italian sausage, compliments to the Target snack bar chef, and now I am regretting that choice. What goes down should never come up. Sure the thing was tasty when I consumed it 3 hours ago but now I find myself having to swallow the semi processed meat for the second time. Indigestion = no friend of mine.

I have a new theme song. It's Spoon's Two Sides/Monsieur Valentine. Don't go stealing it. It peps me up. With SAD right around the bend I have been battling the end of summer blues. We know what's next: fewer daylight hours and cooler temperatures. Have I mentioned how much I loathe cold weather? To spice things up a bit allow me to share with you dogs a couple of exciting things I learned over the past week: (a) yes it's possible to be solicited for sex in a grocery store parking lot on a Thursday afternoon by a homosexual and (b) never mistake the small little blue pills for ibuprofen unless you have time to devote to a coma.

One of those "getting to know your friends" chain emails went around today. Of course it was the one hundredth time I was getting to know this particular group of friends but I threw caution to the wind and signed up for the challenge. I was stumped, I guess for the one hundredth time, by question #38: "Do you like surprises?" Profound I know. Quiz wizard I need clarification. Is this the "SURPRISE Happy 28th Birthday Party" kind of surprise or the "what do you mean there are 2 plus signs" kind of surprise? Two totally different things.

But honestly, I deal with a wide range of surprise daily. I was surprised when I went with the new fire taco during a hunger peak leaving me sadly disappointed. I am surprised by what my dreams try to tell me night after night through variations of the same dream. I am surprised to see things run smoothly when I expect a disaster. I was recently surprised to learn I do like a song off of Thom Yorke’s two year old disaster Eraser. I am surprised that a legit record producer signed on Heidi Montag. I am surprised that at 33 I still struggle differentiating left from right. I am surprised that some things keep getting better and better. I am surprised when I make it home after the gas needle has been pushing E for a day or two. I am surprised for every horrible song out there, and they are plentiful, at least one person in this world claims it as their favorite. What a wonderful world!

Fitness: it's what I am [trying to be] all about. I'd like to take a moment and share with you several photos captured during a trial run as a personal trainer. I think you'll like them.
























You see, exercise is much more enjoyable and not the slightest bit painful when you've consumed more than 3 alcoholic beverages. You hardly remember the effort! The next morning you wake up asking yourself "why am I so sore" and as the dreariness and headache vanishes "oh yeah - cardio coolers." Sure we look like a group of circus monkeys in that last one but fitness should be entertaining. My last photo is saying "try not to get stuck in a fitness rut - keep things interesting."

Going to win some money tonight dirty dogs...Poker [bunko]. NIGHT!

Goulash

Today's post will consist of blogs - ramblings if you will - created yet never finished and until today have been lingering somewhere in the world of drafts.
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It always happens when I am fighting time, in dire need to use the bathroom, and experiencing an unusually intense case of impatience. I get stuck in line behind some lollygagger who has nothing but time. The most recent case occurred this afternoon during what was suppose to be an in-and-out trip to Kmart to pick up a greeting card. One small less than $5 item. Big store - one checkout line. The female patron, Shaquita, works for an Abuse Center according to the tag dangling from her oversized shirt and today is buying every paper product produced at Kimberly Clark. How unfortunate that life necessitites not only one giant size package of Maxi Pads, with wings, but also an economy size package of Depends. Rumor has it Darlene is not the only one in the house wearing diapers because she also collected a package of tot sized Pampers.
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In an attempt to spice up the monotony of every day life I am going to start addressing people by their first and last names.
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As I was walking out of my new favorite Mexican eatery Sunday afternoon I observed a young girl, maybe in her early 20's, who was sobbing into the palms of her hands and it stopped me in my tracks. I watched as the pain grew on the girls' face. It was the type of crying that couldn't be prevented no matter how hard she was trying. The troubled soul was dining with two girls of similar age. She ordered a drink that went untouched as her lunch companions dove into their taco salads. Having been in similar grievous situations I instinctively felt her pain as if it were my own. My mind flashed to agonizing moments of my past where nothing could bring me out of that in-the-moment, overwhelming pain. It's as if you are living but lifeless simply going through the motions. A slave to your emotions alienated from the world around you. As I longed to give reassurance to the young girl that things would eventually be okay I said a silent prayer for her while hoping I would never be where she was again whether it be due to good luck, proper choices or positive perspective.
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Experience has shown year after year that one week post birthday is no good. This might be the annual week off for my guardian angel. Perhaps I am feeling a little blue that the birthday activities have come and gone left with a couple kodaks of an inebriated girl and her inebriated friends getting boo'ed while singing karaoke [for the record we were show stopping]. Last year my house was broken into the week after my 32nd. This particular week also signifies the end of summer preparing us for cold, dark days ahead. Today, a mere 3 days into my 33's, I got a speeding ticket in a no tolerance school zone. I won't argue with the principle of the matter (who wants to hit a kid) but it's July 31st, dirty dogs, and school is not yet in session. The big and bad cop that stopped me was nice but shameless. The officer leaned on his bike as a cigarette stuck to his lower lip held on for dear life. He lured me to him with his right hand and signaled me to stop when I notice a ticket in his left glove. I know what a badass, right, who wears gloves in July? I have a fishy suspicion this man of law was delinquent on his end of the month ticket quota and was requried to meet the delinquency by close of business. What happened to warnings by the way? A ticket for traveling 5 miles over the tragically low 25 limit is a hard pill to swallow. I can barely afford gasoline let alone a $200 ticket. If I really start to think about how much money is spent towards my car it makes my stomach hurt. Car payment (although 10 months from being paid off) personal property taxes, another 30 bucks for tags not to mention the cost to insure the darn thing. I don't even like to drive!
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life in the fast lane

[thanks Jess, Ellie, and Nikki for clarity - you're right who cares]

Feeling a little energetic, likely due to the modest size box of red hots I devoured in two swallows. I don't know what is keeping me in this chair.

I want to share a humbling tale with you, blogspot. I just opened my purse, desiring to smother my lips with some gloss, and felt a little ashamed and a bit humored at what I saw. An unopened pregnancy test resting on top of my bible.

Explanation 1 (most important naturally): The Bible Querey Answered.

One of my goals this year is to read my Womens Devotional Bible - For Women - New International Version from front to back. As a young Catholic girl I read a more traditonal version in its entirety during religion class but acknowledge the self interpretation today would be far more beneficial than it was for a prepubescent 12 year old. That being the case, I keep the book of god in my purse for those precious moments when I find myself with some down time. Not that the bible isn’t worthy of real time - you know what I mean.

Explanation 2 and a bit more comical (= scary): The Baby Theory – Is She Or Isn’t She.

Saturday morning, prior to what I hoped would be a day of tailgating shenanigans, I found myself at the local food and beer store standing in the condom/pregnancy test/UTI aisle, aka the aisle of shame, pricing pregnancy tests. Wanting to climb out of my own skin I grab an EPT box (2 tests included) priced down to a steal at $9.99 while juggling a 6 pack of Bud Lite Lime and a hard pack of Marlboro Menthol Lights. [Sidenote: I hope when that day comes I find myself standing at the golden gates with Our Lord that this is not one of the pictures he flashes in the sky.] For the record, the smokes were for the anticipated mid afternoon beer buzz and I did not plan to smoke the menthols should the test result in a plus. I planned to suck down 6 Bud Lite Limes regardless of the test outcome. [Oh readers try not to be so gullible.]

To add to the delight of this shopping venture the aisle of shame happens to be in plain sight from the beer section where three acquaintances of mine just happened to be contemplating the various selections of foam beverages to bring to the tailgate party I was, oddly enough, minutes away from attending. I was not privy to this information while holding beer, tests and smokes. Pleasantries were exchanged but not before looks. The real pain occurred later as I watched the three musketeers, toting beer and one gigantic bag of original Lays, approach the tailgate as I sip on my first Bud Lite Lime.

Here's the news. I am not pregnant. The pee test had a positive outcome = it was negative. At the time I truly didn’t believe I was with fetus. The reasoning behind my pregnancy phobia is that for weeks, including the weekend in Dallas, I was punished with immense nausea. On the day of the EPT purchase the queasiness peaked. To amplify my fears mymonthlycycles.com never failed to remind me, with regularity, of my irregularity (3 days late) kudos to their friendly calendar reminder. The final answer presented itself within a matter of hours following application of the pee test during a routine trip to the restroom. The nausea, however, stuck around for the duration of my Saturday preventing me from enjoying the tailgating antics friends and acquaintances participated in that afternoon. In a jealous daze I attempted to trick my body into feeling fantastic while I forced down my second Bud Lite Lime only to wind up at my sister's house vomiting in her toilet. What makes this incident particularly neat is that the sister's restroom does not lock. Apparently when her house was built, some seventy plus years ago, people were less modest. When the strange man walked in on me blowing chunks (I mean that as literal as possible) and glanced at the toilet filled with a partially digested supersonic burrito soaked in Bud Lite Lime I decided I was all out of dignity and allowed my body to do what it had been screaming to do all morning. Reflecting back on that moment I don't recall seeing that guy again for the rest of the day.

The remainder of my Saturday was spent on my sister’s couch lifeless and miserable. In a semi conscious state I heard friends and acquanitances come and go like giddy school children telling tales of the good times that were had and gushing about the ones soon to come while enjoying burgers, dogs, and booze. The awkward grocery store run-in was later mentioned by one of the three musketeers. Rumor has it I was trying to hide the fact I was shopping for condoms. This kinda hurts worse than pregnancy speculation.

I have since removed the unused test from my purse unwilling to be that girl who mistakes an EPT for a pen while making out a deposit slip at The Bank of America. My fingers are tightly crossed that the test will remain unused. The Womens Devotional Bible goes where I go because I am fully committed to reading the 1454pages of fine print before 2012 [the end of days right Matthew?]

I hope I was able to entertain you, once again, with the unique life of Josie.

Nik will be in town next weekend and I am tres excite! Things tend to get a little crazy when she and I get together but I am going to suggest we keep things on da low key just as we did in the pic below. GOODNIGHT friends and lovers.