the twelfth month

"Your life is what your thoughts make of it"...

December is upon us, guyz. I was tempted to throw in a “finally” just then but let’s be real. I feel like we did the time warp to arrive, once again, at the twelfth month of the year. I recollect New Years morning of ’07 like it was yesterday. A hung-over Naylor greeting Nikki and I with remarkable confidence in his best Budweiser baritone voice "welcome to 2007 ladies.” That day feels more like yesterday than yesterday. Remember, as a child, when the Christmas season seemed to last longer than the schoolyear? Waiting with anxiety day after day for the 25th. Today the holiday causes me nothing but stress-induced anxiety.

The December Dark Days, or "DDD", are the days I scurry about in a daze mixed with increased hypertension, lugging around an endless “to do” and “to buy for” list. This is the time of year I fight the urge to hide for 30 days. Sure we’re all suppose to be jolly and spreading Christmas cheer but really I don't enjoy the Christmas Season until Christmas day. I hate to say it, but while everyone else pouts about how Christmas is over, I'm celebrating with a sigh of relief. I'm not a Scrooge. Christmas was my favorite holiday up until I reached my mid 20's, found myself single and struggling to get through Christmas. It's a stressful time. I earn an extra ulcer each season trying to find the perfect gifts but end up settling for appropriate. It can also be a very lonely time if you are single. During the triple D’s you are constantly asked "what would you like for Christmas" and I spat out "really nothing" which is never good enough. Truth be told, there is nothing I want that I feel comfortable asking from you. Would you like to pay off my car? How about a nice down payment on a house? Can you find me a new hobby? Can you tell me if I am doing the right thing with my life? How about a six-figured paying job? I love Christmas for children because, well, that's what the holiday is all about. I love the traditional aspect to Christmas but it seems with each passing year we are becoming further removed from those fundamentals. Heck, I might be reprimanded for using the word Christmas . One more thing, what happened to good old-fashioned Bing Crosby Christmas music? It should be a crime to own a Christmas cd of the hip-hop genre. One word, 5 letters - gross.

The Salvation Army bell ringers must have the worst job ever created by man. Okay, it’s honorable, yes. They probably have their share to as many candy canes as they desire, sure. I don’t know what would drive me to insanity first – the boredom, the bells, or “bell ringing” in a slow, merciless drizzle accompanied by a 30 degree temperature. Do these guys earn a dollar or is strictly charity work? I’m only saying what you’re already thinking.

Another sad thing about DDD is when I leave the office in the early evening it is dark and cold outside. This is non-conducive towards any kind of running ritual or exercise regimen, it turns us into sloths, and temporarily gives us a good 9-10 waking hours per day which most of us spend with our co-workers and at our desks. We’re pasty, if we’re not fat we feel it, and lack motivation for just about anything except eating and sleeping which requires little push. Oh – and sex. Sex is doable. I need to consider a new climate – and a primate…named Roger [wink]!

In closing, I look forward to the month of January for one reason - because it is quiet.

JM