twas enough to make a fish stare

The charismatic words above are not those of Josie Mc, sadly. The bewitching words were found in a nursery rhyme. True genious, right?

My attention deficit disorder combined with a mild case of delirium led my mind to wander about things I should really keep between me, myself and I. During my downtime I have begun writing jingles - if you will - for various items, such as condoms. Trojan is currently fully unaware, but when they learn of my marketing genious - I am G-O-L-D-E-N! "Wantin', feelin', lookin' for love - woah baby where is that glove - tear it open and give it a peal - slide on over and we're closing the deal".

Nursery rhymes. Children's tales? Don't be fooled. I am a confirmed believer that LSD was the magical tool utilized in conjunction with writing these whimsical yet startling tales. Not only that, children are too evolved for these bizarre-o limericks nows-a-days. While refreshing my big fat head with the odes of my youth, I couldn't help noticing there is an alarming amount of nursery rhymes dealing with manual labor and pigs. Baa Baa Black Sheep would not be socially accepted today. Someone, presumably white, asks black sheep if he has any wool and mr. black sheep claims he has three bags full, naturally, and one for [get ready for this] his MASTER. This has got Nat Turner written all over it. Hush-a-bye-baby buzzes about a bambino falling to its death. Anyone else wondering the same thing - why was baby in tree? Brrrrrrrriiiinnnngggg. Hello. Social Services is calling. Moving along to our next rhyme. For those of you unsavy rhymers, I ran across this oldie but goodie and it ties in second as my favorite - the I don’t want to go to Mexico No More sonnet. Of course you don't want to go to Mexico! How'd you sneak your ass over here in the first place, Carlitos? What you DO wanna do is over-populate our country, employ American jobs with your people, and instill a system where everything is 1 for English 2 for Spanish. Save your bellyaching for the chimichanga. In the rhyme I Love Little Pussy the tale ends with the ever lovingly “but pussy and I very gently will play”. Children's books, guys - save it for the soft porn. The classic Peter Peter would be frowned upon anytime post 1848 when the Womens Rights Movement shifted into high gear. Rub-a-dub-dub finds three men in a tub and asks "how do you think they got in there”. Bad mixture of meth and rum I think. The Old Lady In The Shoe was was apparently quite the little hussey bearing so many illegitimate children she didn't know what to do except whip the bastard kids.

Hey Josie, why the sourpuss attitude? I'm super tired, guyz, really. I need wings via redbull magic, but am settling for a cup of joe. Whiplash, as seen tearing up the ring below and looking mighty dandy in doing so, inspires me to keep on keeping on. I'm smitten, you guys, simply smitten.

~ J