H-A-LL-O-W-EE-N spells...

Ready to get spooked?













If that doesn't make you sweat bullets something is amiss. Tell me you weren't petrified that he lived under your bed when you were a kid. To this day I worry this guy is smiling, plotting, under my bed while I catch some zzzz's pending the perfect moment for attack. This is precisely why my four legged roommate sleeps on the floor next to my bed - let that clown try to strangle him first and give me time to get the heck out of dodge.

Happy eve of All Hallows' Even. I am a big fan of dressing up and here's a secret -finding that prefect costume and wearing it out is even more fun when you have a festive event to attend. I 've gotta admit I felt a little silly sitting around the house, alone, in my Beetlejuice getup last year but this year I plan to stand out at a costume party in character and in style. I struggled this year finding that perfect one, finally settling on something two days ago primarily to alleviate stress. I have purchased a few odds and ends for the big night but I have yet to try on the ensemble in its entirety. Truth be known I am apprehensive about the final product -what if I fail to deliever? What makes my costume interesting and puts me at an even higher risk for failure is it accompanies that of a sidekick, if you will. His costume is less complex than mine and involves a can of silver hairspray and a sports jacket. I have a feeling if he were to wear this costume without the addition of my character people would guess he is Doc Brown from Back to the Future. Here is a hint about my character: I purchased a used size 36D bra (sick, right?) that will drape my naked body tomorrow eve following several washes in hot water - extended cycle. This lady was a tramp at her chicken ranch in Texas back in '82.

This morning while I was getting ready for work in my 52 degree house I noticed a pathetic roll of toilet paper clinging to my toilet paper holder. The things that go through my mind while doing the mundane everyday things - you wouldn't imagine. Regardless, today I wonder how it is possible - seriously how can it be - that in this house we go through a 6 pack of toilet paper in one week. That's practically 3 rolls a week per person, give or take, depending on the kind of week our respective bladders and colons are having. Maybe I am oblivious to the average individual's daily usage of TP but this seems high. Maybe because it's tragically cold in my house my four legged roommate designed a toilet paper scarf or jacket. I know it sounds far fetched but would you believe that up until yesterday my landlord informed me that we would have to suffer through the winter minus heat because she cannot afford to have the $4,000 heating unit replaced? This morning when I walked out of my house and took my first breath I could see it in the exhale yet it was warmer outside than it was in my living room.

Paper towels. Another item that is used in abundance in my home. This significantly adds to my homemade coat theory.

things that scare me:

* Governor Palin serving as first person in the presidential line of succession
* my old, haunted house and the abnormal things I pretend to ignore
* my absessed tooth - it haunts me with regularity
* people who live in the box - not to be confused with the homeless
* IBS although I haven't been haunted by the ailment in quite some time
* high school musical 1, 2 and 3
* the 2 guys straight out of Deliverance that threatened my sister and I because we weren't driving fast enough one car ahead of the scumbags...I suspect these people have little to live for but moments like these
* will the recession affect the Wendy's $1 menu
* fish sticks - worst food made available to man
* taking off a pair of boots after a long day in them
* those assholes in The Strangers - Tara isn't home!
* life without Flying Burrito
* anyone who says their favorite television show is The Hills
* neck jewelry made for the male gender
* cats - okay not really but I am running out of items to bullet here
* blue cheese - what is it?
* cockroaches - tougher to kill than those Vamps on True Blood (one of my fav shows)
* trying on a pair of my size 25 jeans straight out of the dryer
* long lines - patience really is a virtue I haven't quite adopted
* the chainsaw guy at the end of a haunted house - why am I always the innocent victim
* getting out of bed when my thermo reads 50 knowing I have to get in and out of the shower
* trick-or-treater's that won't go away because "I can see someone inside"

I could go on but I will save you the pain of my rants. Eat a Salty Nut Bar for me (the tasty treat you pervs), bob for an apple or two, and remember to be safe.

Good Night my friends,

J