summer 'lovin

Happy 29th of the fifth month lads and gals.

I still owe you my 8:48 story but due to a busy Memorial Day Weekend and what has been a short, tiring, and ailing work week, time has been a lackin'.

Remember that paralyzing song Pearl Jam released on their '94 Vitalogy album creatively titled "Bugs"? I enjoyed playing this jingle for family members, set to repeat, until insanity ensued. Aw, the memories. I even choreographed an accordian skit to sometimes perform while the song played.

June is upon us which means my body has been temporarily seized by The Mosquito. This class, the lowest on the social insect tree, loves me. Every part of my body itches at any given second of the day (almost every part, pervs). I have become so accustomed to this relentless nuisance that at times I don’t even notice the burn. What exactly causes the violent craving to rub hard? The mosquito, an insect bearing hideous wings larger than its very own body, takes an unwelcomed bite of human skin and leaves what? A dry pocket that survives solely on the scratch? At times, after a mad finger to skin session fails to please, I attempt to remove the bite from my body in its entirety in an attempt to stop the madness only leaving a masacre. Guess what. Still itches. Try scratching a pool of blood. You don’t know where your target is but something is driving you to the looney bin. How about those bite-free chaps who, lacking an ounce of personal knowledge, preach “don’t itch it; you will only make it worse” accompanied by the 'ole index finger shake. I have TRIED to “let it pass” but it never does. Last night while in bed I counted mini horses for two full hours waiting for the nagging bites to terminate mission but apparently they never sleep. I became delirious in my agitated state. I have not been able to shave my legs in a week. When I do sleep at night I subconsciously claw at the unmerciful sensation until fresh blood is drawn. I have several three inch deep nail marks on my ankles. Getting in a bathtub full of hot water is currently impossible. Odds are good I have West Nile. Don’t ask yourself “is West Nile still around”. It is.

To add insult to injury, this week I was victim to a blood sucking, disease infecting tic. If you think about it, I mean really dwell on it, what those gremlins do is pretty unforgiveable. Unbeknownst to us mortals, the vultures suck the life out of you while working, singing, playing cards, pumping fuel, eating ice cream, watching Cops, playing cops! They are not unlike the Red Cross only this time I didn’t sign up for the donation. The trespassing tic was discoverd four nights ago while getting some shut eye. I had an unusually strong[er] itch behind my left ear and when I succombed to the urge I felt the cold, hard shell as the bastard sucked my head dry. Once the sucker (pun yes) was removed a small sore developed and eventually a large puss producing bump took residence.

[4 mind wrenching hours later]

I have confirmed (sans a diagnosis from a medical care professional) my body has been tainted with a tic passing disease known as Lyme Disease kudos to the freeloader that invited himself and his fangs to use my body as a host for his feast four nights ago. I wonder how long he made my body his home. I will be the first to admit I am a hypochondriac but do I have to remind anyone how the Boy Who Cried Wolf ended? Exactly.

I have reviewed webmd and various “survival” websites for the avid outdoorsman. There is a 1.7% possibility that I read the symptoms and my mind adopted them as its own, but I swear my throat is sore and my lymph nodes are swollen.

TGIT [sounds like tgit] I am fanatically awaiting the weekend for no particular reason. I'm out like a scout (who wears OFF - better to be safe than sorry).

~ JOSIE'S ON A VACATION FAR AWAY...