riddle me timber

ramblin' riddles...
this is my current escape from the daily demands of life.
Some need work. More to come.
Enjoy!

There once lived a rascall named Jeff
some swear he might have been deaf
looking for a thrill
he copped him a feel
that girl named Nancy
was really a Bill!

In Texas lived a sweet gal named nikki
pretty, big boobs, but a smidgen too picky
she met a nice boy
but boy was he coy
what is that bump on his dicky?

Maybe was definitely weird
not only because of her beard
she cussed like a sailor
not a boy would nail her
'twas those hairy pits that we all feared

There once was a lad called Randale
a beer in his hand confessing a tale.
He favored the crown
many shots he'd take down
once got groped by a male.
Is that poop on your pants
we scream with disgust?
He cried go ahead and laugh if you must.
I don't remember what I did last night
I thought I went to bed but something doesn't seem right...

Aint much there
but I bet a ton of hair
No worry
I'm in no hurry
my friends have left me
and the night's getting blurry.

There once was a duo we'll call them a mess
a diva named stacie and a sadie named jess.
Got a ride with the line cook
they later confess.
Feels good to be bad
oh what fun these girls had.
Smokin, drinkin, chattin up the crowd
stacie is always screamin so loud!
Now it is time to stop and dwell
I wonder what story tomorrow they'll tell?

I fell for a gent we'll call him matt
he gave me his digits I gave him my hat.
He had a way with a ball
handsome and tall.
We had sex on his hood
damn it was good.
Candy is gonna make him fat!

elle my belle why do you look so down
you're one of my favorite people around
remember the time you slept in that tent
scott stepped foot in your shirt and to the truck you would vent
shot upon shot of german liquer
what a wild group of ladies we were
mustard mayo will always make me smirk
along with shannigans we got away with at work

stacie don't look so gloom
with friends all around the room
light up a smoke
and tell me a joke
still got that pic of me ridin that broom?

in a land far away lived a hermit named Jake
his 95 Cherokee a bandit did take
crunching numbers by day
a man with little to say
he enjoys a good smoke
nebraska football's no joke
a temper built of steam
the boy can get mean
just give him a drag
of that pipe or a fag