HOWDY do! End of the week synopsis on daily wisdom...

Wednesday: Remember to employ optimism when things look grim! My brother is a good happy guy, I'll give him that, but boy oh boy he can be negative when the only thing left to hang on to is optimisim. This morning he was giving one of his "woe is me" sagas [Randall says it best] and I turned to the positive side of things which, in effect, caused him to say "you know, you're right". Of course I am dirty dog! I also realized that when I am alone I stay up way too late. If I were single I'd be horribly sleep deprived but I'd probably be a lot thinner. In Matt's absence I realize he and I really enjoy to eat together. A lot.

Thursday: One of my goals this year is to practice patience. It's so much easier to cave into a hasty demeanor. It takes tremendous will from me to quiet my mind in such predicaments. I am getting better at being a little more enduring and I am proud of myself. Tonight as 11 ladies and one gent rolled dice I managed to insert a little patience into the challenge. Those of you who've never played - especially with my feisty group - it's a nerve wracking game of 6's and it's easy to switch to ornery. Despite one minor breakdown following a snide suggestion that I cheated on a roll (bitch), I was a good girl this evening. I stuck around and chatted for a couple of hours with 2 of my favorite girl friends and found myself crawling into bed, after high tailin' it into my house and stripping off every piece of clothing, at 12:45. YIKES. That is late for this girl. It was worth it in the end because I thoroughly enjoyed the stimulating coversation. Not to change the subject but that Michelle Abu Hamileiha [no idea how to spell] can shake her thang, ya'll. It's rather intimidating - and a little awkward! She broke it down for us dirty style. I've never seen a white girl move like that!

Friday is here! It's Superbowl weekend and that means absolutely nothing to me. I'm excited about Matthew coming home and squeezing him until he winces. In other news, I have the Jack Russell fever and the only prescription is inviting a Jack Russell Terrier to come home with me. While chronically bored I googled some JR pics and came across this terrifying headline that broke my heart:

South Dakota Mountain Lion Gets Jack Russell

What a dick.

I have a handheld humidifer glued to my face this afternoon (a Walgreens steal at nine dollars and ninety nine cents). It's soothing! I am ready to get this weekend started so let's do it.

Ja-ne!

Ketchup Time

No no, not the condiment. I need to catch up on my blog, rather. The title of this blog is a bad attempt at trying to incorporate humor as an antedote to boredom. A night at home alone makes a girl a little stir crazy - thus the birth of ketchup. So, I promised to document my magic and it's never late than better. Strike that. Reverse it. Made you think!

I am a dork at heart. It is what it is.

Let me preface this blog by saying it's late. As stated above, I've spent the night alone and I write this after watching Brokeback Mountain for the third time yet the first time in three years and outside of a theatre. I concur with my original take on the movie: it is phenomenal. For those of you closed minded folk who opt not to watch solely based on the small element of homosexuality you are missing out. It is truly an affecting movie. You will be satisfied having devoted 2 hours of your personal time on the movie, not that I'd expect anyone outside of the film and television industry to devote non-personal time to the flick. The drama is painfully enlightening. You have to look beyond the fact that two sexy boys are fondling one another. I will admit at times during the movie I fantasize I am Ledger's character, Ennis. How fortunate for him to get to simulate sex acts with Jake Gyllenhall. [pause for 1 minute]

Despite that gush of warm blood that just circulated through my body it is Co-old outside. The tips of my fingers and toes are white and remain white sometimes hours after I have become victimized by my couch. Should I be worried? Note to self: webmd this later.

Back to it, shall we? Below are events, moments that illuminated my day for the past few:

Friday the 23rd: Everyone has moments of weakness. Yes everyone including those I hold in high regard. On a lighter note, a fun lesson of the night was learning that sometimes when things don't go according to plan, yet somehow everything falls in it's right place (props to Radiohead), things really are sometimes meant to be. I also learned that Dancing Queen is only a fun song to sing in the privacy of your own car or home not in front of a karaoke crowd. I discovered the vocals "you can dance" should only be sung by a musical professional. While the twin and I performed in front of a crowd of 23 I am pretty sure I could hear little Jerry howling from his grave. RIP little mister.

Saturday: The beauty of a lazy day. I am a creature of go and get done. I feel like if I am not doing someting, at all times, I am not living life to its fullest. I spent the day amongst two of my favorite people and could not have wished for a better day. We did very little of anything in particular. Also, the lead actor in Slumdog Millionaire tests my fascination with Jake G.

Sunday: Respect warm weather. Today the cold was literally painful. A little triva: at the end of the movie Back to the Future I, Doc converts this into fuel? Give up. Trash. Anyone thinking what I'm thinking? Genius! We could solve two of our country's biggest crisis' with one easy solution. Now who's got the DeLorean?

Monday: Not to take any moment for granted. I've lost time inadvertently by selfishly fretting, analyzing, worrying, being stubborn. Also realized that while I enjoy poking fun at the snuggie, those bundles of warmth really are practical. I was that frustrated girl depicted in the infomercial. You know the one, struggling with her blanket while trying to answer the phone.

Tuesday: Learned to appreciate the alone time. Here I am.

For the record it's currently 27 degrees yet it feels like 2. Goodnight readers.






I MISS HIM!

69 days of magic

Employing a little change, challenge if you will, to life to add a spark to my existence and avoid succombing to the monotonous routine of every day activity. Granted, nothing about my life is mundane, but I don't want a day to go by in vain no matter how fantastic or insanely humdrum. I know what you're thinking, the dark days of January have really hit hard this year. The reality of it is I am craving enlightenment. Having said that, I am on a mission to document the magic, a significant event, at the close of each day every day beginning now through April 1. Why April 1? April embarks the beginning of spring, renewal, and it's my favorite time of year. Another bit of trivia: April 1 is preceisely 69 days from today and we all know 69 is a fascinating number.

This is an almost three month trial. My desire is that when this project wraps on April 1 the end result will be a refreshed outlook on my days and nights with a profound appreciation for life. But of course there will be effortless days when everything seems to come together beautifully and there will certainly be those days where I want nothing more than to go home, crawl in bed and reset. Let the challenge begin.

Day 1: January 22, 2009

The value of faith. I know, I know. When you start to read this, my very first documented magical moment of '09, you will think how sad a more insightful moment failed to present itself to my life in 24 hours but ya dirty dog there is a moral. Besides that, it was a drab kind of day and the task is searching for at least one explicit incident. So here it is. I managed to squeeze in an hour long workout session in 30 minutes which, trust me, was no easy feat. I pushed myself to the extreme, so much that I felt awful during the drive home. Today's 30 minute workout session was more successful than some of my 90 minute jobs with the difference being I was determined. Having really reflected on my behavioral patterns I see how easy it is for me, at times, to become a victim to the slightest bit of a struggle without overcoming the bump in the road. The process of reversing these horrible personal habits is such a challenge for me, stubborn as stubborn can be, a creature of "I can't" so in the end I don't. I can be so tough on myself that if I were my own parent I'd probably want to turn myself into family services for relentless mental anguish. "Put your heart over the bar and your body will follow" and that's exactly what I did. I made the time out of a hectic day and rather than wuss out by doing a half hearted cardio session, my typical "I only have 30 minutes" routine, I gave it my all. Excuses really are ugly. I have no reason not to workout every day (yes every day) with a little faith and determination. Next stop, waking up at 5:30 in the a.m. to workout. Baby steps.

I also ran into an old friend, one I had been reminiscing about earlier in the day, and we made plans to hang out next week. This made me happy.

I find myself closer to becoming the person I know I can be without complicating matters with my thoughts, working on patience and striving towards complete optimism. This is magically significant!

~ J

365 days with photos took 730 days off my life!

So.....

I’ve been trying to load this mother f’ing video I created two weeks ago and it's giving me aneurism. "You can't give yourself an aneurism." Now is not the time for a debate I am clearly stressed enough. You might ask "was it necessary to throw in a mother f'ing?" Sure it was just to convey how frustrated I've been with this video. I would say screw it but by golly after a breakdown and bleeding ulcer I don't want my effort to go in vain. I should be earning a paycheck for this tough creativity. Yes, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense but throw me a bone won't ya? I am not thinking with clarity.

Having said all that you'll watch my 7 minute and some odd second video and and say things like “that was it?” or "well that was a big fat waste of 7 minutes and some odd seconds." Listen. Not only was it difficult to create this movie due to a program that clearly hasn’t been checked for kinks, the uploading has been nothing short of a pain in the ass. The only success I've had getting the video to play as it should is if I burn the 176,381 KB clip from picasa to a DVD-R and play it in my media player. If the mother f'er is played in any other program the pixels [fancy tech talk] get all screwy and the photos look like shit. Regardless, here is my 365 days with photos movie. You'll get the point even if faces look like melting hot lava. It's time for me to move on with my life and bid adieu to this movie once and for all.

Happy 2009! p.s. if you watch the video and are given an option to view standard video or HQ video (more technical lingo you wouldn't understand) opt for the HQ. Ciao Babies!

Exported Videos

a broken heart

Little mister, you were taken away from me too soon. My heart hurts because you took pieces of it with you. Rest in Peace my sweetheart. I will love you forever and ever. Your perfect face is irreplaceable and will be severely missed by all. You were such a joy to my life in the short time we were together. I can't wait to meet you again some day. I love you.

the world i know

More and more I find myself wondering what happened to courtesy in society? Is there no such thing as civil kindness? Nowadays I watch as men and women go out of their way to be rude. This world has become so jaded as a whole it's not difficult to find someone taking out their suppressed anger on complete strangers. It's immorality at its finest. It doesn't bother me so much that chivalry is dead - there are few gentlemen out there randomly offering a doting "after you" while holding the door. What gets under my skin is the lack of general decency. In the words of Depeche Mode, People are People. Our exteriors come in many shapes and colors but our interiors operate the same. The world as we know it today is a selfish one and one filled with anger. I've come to expect indecency yet am surprised by respectful behavior. When someone is inappropriate it instigates negativity. The negativity lingers and is passed on to another eventually. On the flipside, the same is true with kindness. It's infectious. It feels good. There is real value to the cliché "eye for an eye" which is one of the basic laws of life. Inherit it! Look, I am far from godly but I have strong will to change not only my attitude but my actions. So many people fret through life which is a tragedy. There are those without souls and then those that are consumed with so much hate they treat others poorly in an effort to share the pain. We are all human and all have our moments, lord knows I have my share, but I am proactive about becoming not only a better person but a better citizen. Thank you's and you're welcome's are no longer a necessity even when expected. There is practically no such thing as good customer service. No one wants to help without receiving in return. In grocery stores you'll find people cutting, pushing, grabbing. I once was told by a gentleman in a super big hurry and whose front bumper sticker informed me he was a "Christian" that I "looked like a girl that knew something about dick" after I kindly suggested he stop acting like one. Why? This man, sporting a bad case of little man syndrome, jumped out of his car in anger and began shouting obscenities at me for backing out of a parking spot at a safe and regular pace. Not even a shortage of time could come between this nutjob and his insane rant. I was painfully embarrassed but moreover I wondered what was eating at this man so terribly that it didn't bother him a bit to release his rage on a little woman at the grocery store at noon on a Thursday afternoon.

Stepping down from my podium I hear you ask what's new? Not much. In a shellnut, True Blood is one of my weekend highlights, yesterday I finished a book I've been lugging around for 5 months, I scored a 222 on iBowl last week, I am a big fan of the Healthy Choice basil chicken pasta bowl eating at least one per day if not two, I am thrilled with America's choice in our new leader, I have grossly neglected working out my bod, and I'm self-learning the craft of knitting so that Christmas '08 won't be tough on the pocketbook. I added a couple of pictures to the left of my blog. The first photo documents Matthew and I posing as Dolly and Kenny on the 31st last month. Let it be known that I am holding a mic not a flashlight and Matthew is dressed as Kenny Rogers not Taylor Hicks. In the photo directly below D&K you'll find my pesky roommate Jerry Seinfeld posing as a character true to life -The Devil. Funny story, Jerry was recently banned from the dog park due to heinous acts I can't legally blog about. I can report that he and I will be making the rounds throughout the neighborhood this weekend alerting other pets of his offensive sexual behavior. The guy is nuts but he sure plays some mean pinball. Last week for his first (seventh) birthday he asked for a pint of jagermeister and a pack of black and milds. He got a ball, a bone and the too-small-for-his-body devils costume as seen in the photo, 1/2 price at Petsmart's post Halloween sale.

In closing, as John Lennon so delicately put it, if there will be an answer let it be.

~ your friend J

H-A-LL-O-W-EE-N spells...

Ready to get spooked?













If that doesn't make you sweat bullets something is amiss. Tell me you weren't petrified that he lived under your bed when you were a kid. To this day I worry this guy is smiling, plotting, under my bed while I catch some zzzz's pending the perfect moment for attack. This is precisely why my four legged roommate sleeps on the floor next to my bed - let that clown try to strangle him first and give me time to get the heck out of dodge.

Happy eve of All Hallows' Even. I am a big fan of dressing up and here's a secret -finding that prefect costume and wearing it out is even more fun when you have a festive event to attend. I 've gotta admit I felt a little silly sitting around the house, alone, in my Beetlejuice getup last year but this year I plan to stand out at a costume party in character and in style. I struggled this year finding that perfect one, finally settling on something two days ago primarily to alleviate stress. I have purchased a few odds and ends for the big night but I have yet to try on the ensemble in its entirety. Truth be known I am apprehensive about the final product -what if I fail to deliever? What makes my costume interesting and puts me at an even higher risk for failure is it accompanies that of a sidekick, if you will. His costume is less complex than mine and involves a can of silver hairspray and a sports jacket. I have a feeling if he were to wear this costume without the addition of my character people would guess he is Doc Brown from Back to the Future. Here is a hint about my character: I purchased a used size 36D bra (sick, right?) that will drape my naked body tomorrow eve following several washes in hot water - extended cycle. This lady was a tramp at her chicken ranch in Texas back in '82.

This morning while I was getting ready for work in my 52 degree house I noticed a pathetic roll of toilet paper clinging to my toilet paper holder. The things that go through my mind while doing the mundane everyday things - you wouldn't imagine. Regardless, today I wonder how it is possible - seriously how can it be - that in this house we go through a 6 pack of toilet paper in one week. That's practically 3 rolls a week per person, give or take, depending on the kind of week our respective bladders and colons are having. Maybe I am oblivious to the average individual's daily usage of TP but this seems high. Maybe because it's tragically cold in my house my four legged roommate designed a toilet paper scarf or jacket. I know it sounds far fetched but would you believe that up until yesterday my landlord informed me that we would have to suffer through the winter minus heat because she cannot afford to have the $4,000 heating unit replaced? This morning when I walked out of my house and took my first breath I could see it in the exhale yet it was warmer outside than it was in my living room.

Paper towels. Another item that is used in abundance in my home. This significantly adds to my homemade coat theory.

things that scare me:

* Governor Palin serving as first person in the presidential line of succession
* my old, haunted house and the abnormal things I pretend to ignore
* my absessed tooth - it haunts me with regularity
* people who live in the box - not to be confused with the homeless
* IBS although I haven't been haunted by the ailment in quite some time
* high school musical 1, 2 and 3
* the 2 guys straight out of Deliverance that threatened my sister and I because we weren't driving fast enough one car ahead of the scumbags...I suspect these people have little to live for but moments like these
* will the recession affect the Wendy's $1 menu
* fish sticks - worst food made available to man
* taking off a pair of boots after a long day in them
* those assholes in The Strangers - Tara isn't home!
* life without Flying Burrito
* anyone who says their favorite television show is The Hills
* neck jewelry made for the male gender
* cats - okay not really but I am running out of items to bullet here
* blue cheese - what is it?
* cockroaches - tougher to kill than those Vamps on True Blood (one of my fav shows)
* trying on a pair of my size 25 jeans straight out of the dryer
* long lines - patience really is a virtue I haven't quite adopted
* the chainsaw guy at the end of a haunted house - why am I always the innocent victim
* getting out of bed when my thermo reads 50 knowing I have to get in and out of the shower
* trick-or-treater's that won't go away because "I can see someone inside"

I could go on but I will save you the pain of my rants. Eat a Salty Nut Bar for me (the tasty treat you pervs), bob for an apple or two, and remember to be safe.

Good Night my friends,

J