No way - It's Josie!

I have struggled for weeks with this blog hence my lack of a post in quite some time. I have been feeling a little sheltered and possibly protective of my emotions. I shall call it a writing funk. On the flip side of that, in recent weeks I have written 10 pages worth of single-spaced nonsense. I’ve considered posting it simply for humors sake. Truly a cluster of rambling bullshit.

I have also been lackadaisical chiefly due to the fact that my laptop was taken from me 3 weeks ago and as a result I have lost my primary tool for writing. I was heartbroken to boot. Having reflected deeply on the loss and finally accepting it, I feel like I am finally able to glide back into writing.

I hope I am not the only person to have made the following mistake. I was sitting at my desk earlier working diligently, eyes focused on my computer screen, when I nonchalantly took a swig of the cup of coffee sitting directly in front of me. Upon swallowing this half liquid/half solid concoction I came to realize I hadn’t made myself a drink at the office in recent hours. In fact, I have been drinking bottled water all day. The once perfectly tasty drink turned science project was a cup of coffee I had prepared for consumption and failed to finish yesterday. It is not the lingering taste of garbage in my mouth that bugs me at this moment. It’s the haunting remembrance of the feel of cold moldy coffee layered with a slimy film meeting my lips. I went a little crazy for a moment.

I had a dream last night that I had a mustache and a beard. My character in the dream wasn’t bothered by this added feature but the “real me” was crying inside. If my memory serves me correctly I recall I was at a show, a dance-off if you will, and I happened to catch a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror hanging on the wall to my right. Once again, the girl playing myself in the dream had no instinctive problem with the five o-clock-shadow. In fact, she seemed pleased with the look. However, my mind was devising a plan to rectify the disturbing guise immediately. I convinced my dream character into waxing the mustache/beard combo. Stubble is not an option when it comes to women and facial hair so shaving was immediately written off. While pricing different options, my twin sister appeared in my dream to remind me of the costly price of waxing a beard as thick as mine. Oh right - there is that. To my dismay the issue was never resolved prior to waking. This can only mean that somewhere out there in dream world I am walking-flying-creeping around possibly haunting people sporting the mustache-beard combo.

Left with the bewildering question as to why I am creating an image of myself with facial hair while in my own private dream world, I decided to do a little investigation. I am not a huge advocate of dream interpretation but I will admit that our dreams and our subconscious thoughts are parallel and that different objects and situations are representative of who and what we are in life. My curiousity was definitely peaked. This is what Dreammoods.com has to say about "women with mustaches" (I, too, was surprised yet relieved to find this was an actual dream option):

If you are a woman and dream that you have a mustache, indicates that you are expressing your power through your words and your verbal expression.

Naturally, this inspired me to search for a theory on women with beards. Dreammoods.com has this to say about the woman/beard combo:

If you are a woman and you dream of growing a beard, signifies your masculine aspect of your personality. You want to be more assertive and wield more power.

I was alarmed when I began to read the beard interpretation but in conclusion I could not agree more. I am just glad it didn't suggest a life in the circus. Now, thanks to dreammoods, I don’t feel like I have to hide behind my emotional disguise. I have the power within to be assertive and express myself in any form or fashion desirable. Thanks dreammoods.com!

I am working on a story – another fun life experience – I plan to share it within the next 24 hours.

Peace, lades and gents

~J

Cold and Dirty

I have been zapped of all energy. My body is dealing with post-vacation stress, exhaustion from moving and the never-ending chore of unpacking, not to mention trying to adjust to a new (very old) house that is nothing short of a sickening mess. I haven't had a moment to partake in "J time" with the exception of when I attempt sleep at night. Last night I saw a shadow in my living room. At approximately 10:30 pm I concluded that it was a demon shadow. I slept with the lights on last night.

The cherry on top of this sundae is I am freezing cold. My male co-workers keep the office at icebox temperature. I sit here at my desk hunched over in a ball trying to consume any heat my body might release. When I exhale I can see my breath. My jaw is clenched shut to keep my teech from chattering. Later this afternoon, upon stepping out into the scorching August heat, my body will go into a mild state of shock. Yesterday evening during my commute home I turned on the heat in my car. I almost fell asleep at the wheel.

I just walked over and adjusted the thermostat. This will undoubtedly cause a stir. The hairs on my arms are standing tall. I am wondering why I attempted to shave my legs this morning.

As if waking up in the morning wasn't previously a difficult task, now I lay in bed each morning and dread the inevitable shower. Let me point out that the shower at my new house is about the size of a telephone booth and is at least 50 years old. Yesterday was my first shower at the new digs and I felt slightly less clean post-shower than I did when I got out of bed. Still in vacation mode and wanting to provide as minimal time necessary towards grooming, I spent 20 minutes getting ready for work yesterday. 10 minutes of that was spent dilly-dallying directly outside the shower trying to convince myself it was okay to enter.

It is impossible to shave in this shower. I will pay someone to prove to me wrong. When clausterphobia set in I had to talk myself out of a panic attack on the horizon. Get in and get out. With 2 minutes to spare before I absolutely had to leave the house I threw a skirt over my stubbly legs, threw on a shirt that did not need ironing, and left my hair semi wet and "wavy". Needless to say I didn't feel great going in to work yesterday morning but honestly did not care.

This morning I took a bath in the 3x6 foot tub that resides next to the dawrf size shower. When I moved into my new home I made a pact with myself that I would never place a toe in this so-called tub. Funny how things change. My lower appendages were in desperate need of shaving. Today I was dealing with major time constraints yet still opted for the bubble bath to keep from eyeballing the floor of tub. In a Mommy Dearest fashion I made certain the water was sclading in an attempt to kill any lingering germs. There was moderate pain involved while inching my way into the water. While quickly cleaning my body I try not to concentrate on any particular area of the tub longer than 5 seconds.

I feel a degree better than I did pre-bath. Not clean not dirty but more like I just bathed in someone else's bath water.

As far as future bathing at the new casa goes, I somehow tricked myself, out of delirium I suspect, into believing that new bathroom furnishings will greatly improve the ambiance of the ancient room hence making my bathing experience a good one and fulfilling me with a clean vibe. I have a year in this house and, on most days, I am a fan of clean hair and smooth legs.

I am OWWWWTTT...!!! Goodnight world.

xoxoxo,

Josie